I Assumed My Daugher Would Take Care of Her Disabled Sister

I am sorry I made this assumption and I apologize for it

Dear Little Daughter,

Today is a special day. It’s hard to believe that, eight years ago, you were born. I’ll never forget that day. I’m sure eight years feels like a really long time but it feels like a blink of an eye for me. I write this letter to you today knowing that you won’t read it, at least not anytime soon.

When I first found out that your big sister had a disability, I read a lot of articles online written by parents and experts. I distinctly remember one of the articles recommending that parents of a child with a disability should have another child.

That may seem a little crass to some people, but I understood what the author meant. Of course, when I had you I was just beginning to feel something in my gut that told me that something was going on with your sister. The timing wasn’t great because I had no idea what hit me by having a toddler and an infant, let alone a toddler with behavior problems and an infant.

I took so much joy in watching you grow and develop, in some ways, because you were very different from your sister, who took her time to walk and become active.

Sister was slow to meet developmental milestones. I relished watching you because you learned to sit up, stand, walk and then run, yes — run, in less than a year of life. Yet, those fast-paced moments of your development were clouded with worry for your sister and why she wasn’t developing at a rate that experts would call “normal”.

While you were sitting up the tripod, tossing a ball, making eye contact, and taking your first steps, she was tantruming for hours on end and for so long that it would make her throw up and then completely forget that it even happened to her, despite being exhausted with herself.

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