5 Signs of a Dysregulated Nervous System

How childhood trauma changes our idea of “normal”

Being raised by narcissistic caregivers or growing up in a toxic environment affects us much deeper than we may realize and can affect our mind, emotions, and body more than we may be consciously aware of. Kids who experience constant stress, traumatic events, or chronic abuse develop difficulties in managing their nervous systems.

Several of the biggest predictors of a dysregulated nervous system include childhood abuse, neglect, invalidation, poverty, having a family member with mental illness, growing up in a violent home or neighborhood, or living through a natural disaster.

A hard truth is that if we grew up with these as “normal”, we probably won’t recognize the damage done until years — perhaps decades — later. That’s the thing about trauma, especially when chronic trauma is conditioned as “normal” in our developmental years.

We don’t see our situation as bad. We don’t notice that our fists are always clenched when we go to sleep at night, or that our breathing is shallow and winded. We aren’t noticing that our behavior is based on reaction and survival mode instead of mindful intention. We don’t make the connection that nightmares and sleepwalking aren’t “typical” childhood behaviors, or that sitting in our closet reading our book and hoping to disappear is preferred over hanging out with the neighborhood kids.

As adults, we wind up getting involved in relationships with people who haven’t healed their own pain which reinforces our own. Yet, we’re still stuck in these patterns as “comfortable. Toxic gets confused as safe because it’s familiar. Peace and quiet are avoided and chaos is chased because it’s comfortable. Authenticity seems suspect and vulnerability add another brick to our emotional wall.

We live in stress, anxiety, depression, fight/flight/freeze mode, and develop difficulty managing our own emotions because of it. We may cycle between feeling numb and disconnected to feeling stuck on ‘go’ mode and unable to slow down.

There are several patterns that emerge from having a dysregulated nervous system including:

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