LOVE

a story about a young married couple trying make it work as obstacles come along, is there love strong enough to concur all and forgive anything

Billy met her husband jay very young at almost 12 in junior high school. she had many crushes. she even had a girl friend at the time that was one of her friends and they became more. she was still very young exploring who she was and what she wanted. junior high came and went in her head. she always had anxiety when in school, so scared to socialize with anyone. Between her fear of talking to people and her fear of her family screaming at her she was always in constant anxiety but of all the people that made her anxious no one made her quiet nervous as Jay. At only 15 already moving to high school that one year of dealing with him brought her inconstant fear. She could act brave with anyone but when it came to Jay she just couldn't. He was the bad boy in school from fighting everyday to cursing and running in the halls walking out of school like nothing, coming in like nothing, throwing parties. Anything you can think of he did. There was always girls around him but he only looked at one girl. Billy. He looked at Billy like he wanted to devour her and at only 12 that gave Billy so much fear and anxiety. She knew his reputation. Fake it to you make it she thought. She told everyone he was ugly and would say gross when they teased her. He was confident and scary to her and god he had all these girls around him. But still he didn't care he loved the chase. Every time jay would stare at her and try to talk to her she would run. Yes run. she would go down the stairs or in another classroom just to hide from him. but she also liked him so when she didn't see him or think he was noticing she would walk pass his classroom and look for him. she was content with just knowing he was in school. she had no real guts to do anything about it. once school was over though and he was gone she paid no mind to it thinking of him as another crush. But was he ?

Years passed before they ever spoke again. Billy went on to high school from being the shy fat girl with a uni brow in school. she became the adorable girl everyone wanted to sleep with. she went through alot to. it was so new to her all these boys wanting her. she had break up and cheating she even had a kid at 18. four long years with the father of her kid screaming arguing threats just the worst of it. but it was a pretty normal story for her in the area where she lived. When billy met jay again she was in her worst predicment in life. Her mother was resenting her for not keeping a steady job to help her with the bills throwing shots and treating her bad calling it tough love. she never really felt love from her family. she new they loved her but she just felt like the odd sheep in her family. he hit her up on facebook and at first she was suspsious and it wasnt uncommon to be. between the area they lived in and the problems her older brother got into and she knew from experience how fucked up guys were trying get with her just to get under her brothers skin. she didnt recognize jay for months even texting him she felt like she knew him from somewhere but not thinking about the crush she use to have she just thought it was a crazy random feeling as everyone knew some one on her block. they went on dates they went out they hooked up they got together after only a month of talking. something just felt right to her. she was always on her guard always a time limit always felt something off on who ever she dated everything was always a game to her just trying fulfill that empty feeling she felt inside of her. he said clues clearly remembering billy. the one that got away. The one girl he couldn't have. The one girl that ran from him literally. He played mind games with her from the start never telling her who he was or how he already knew her. He told her everything she wanted to hear, things no one had told her. In this hood everyone wanted to smoke have a bi sexual girl to have three some never no dates just chilling and fucking and hook ups. nothing was romantic there wasn't talking or dates or talk about kids and future plans. No everyone her age just seemed to wanna fuck and get high and here this boy was saying everything she wanted to here and she felt like he was her soulmate or a spy. But that crazy she never showed anyone who she really was what she really wanted or liked because she didn't trust no one, not even her family. He showed love to her kids, she showed love to his kids, even the mother of his child seemed to be over him, he told her everything. complete honesty. she felt so happy with him. even with the make up and break up like any young couple. They said i love you way to early and she just couldn't figure out why she felt like she knew him so well like for years. until one day. Jay and her were talking about school. she knew they went to the same school but she still couldn't remember him. he told her that he liked a girl and a teacher wouldn't let him go to the bathroom so he cursed her out. he repeated the sentence and something flashed in her head like in the movies. she stopped talking for a second remebering who he was the boots the smile the earring. O.M.G. it was him how could she forget the one that stared in her eyes and made her so scared. From that day on she couldn't let jay go. he proposed to her six months into dating and almost a year in there relationship they were married. with in that year she got pregnant with her second kid and life just moved fast. they went in the shelter got denied moved to his mother house , left because of disrespect always being disrespected by some one in his family and he never defended it. her family hated him his family hated and disrespected her. argument after argument but still with everything the love never left. she was devoted to him no matter what lies what disrespect what issues what screaming went there way. until she had no one but her kids. four years later three kids more no family no mother no father no best friend no one to run to with her issues. just her and her kids completely alone.

FOUR YEARS LATER …billy P.o.v.

Its going to be a month since jay left me and i feel numb and sad just like the first time he left four years ago. but when he left me and we broke up i only had Nikki i wasn't pregnant yet and we still talked he still helped me with nikki and i still had family and friends to depend on, i also wasn't madly in love and devoted as we were only a couple months in. Now four years later i have four kids instead of one and all of them love him so much, he barely answers me or comes to see them. he says hurtful stuff to me now, just two weeks ago he called me suicidal before leaving the house. how could one big argument so fast turn to this? i kept blaming myself i was so hurt and so angry, how could he leave after knowing my mother wouldn't talk to me and i had no one. he is my only family god the only man i feel comfortable with the only man i can imagine myself with and he is gone. he told me he didn't love me he had love for me but wasn't in love with me. now he only picks up when he feels like it and only calls me to argue or ask if im fucking some one. he assumes i’m fucking some one else and i assume he with some one else. he tells me he doesn't care and when ever he comes over we have sex and he gets dress and leaves, i say yes every time because i cant stand not being with out him even if he just using my body. it hurts how pathetic i have become. years ago if a man said he didn't love me i would move the f**ck on. i still wear our wedding ring and i talk to no one but my best friend Nelly. but she so busy in her own life we barely really talk. i never was a drinker or smoker and here i am smoking my pain away. probably giving myself lung cancer at a young age. drinking beers and smoking weed. only when the kids are eating or asleep i wasnt a bad mother either i made sure to wallow in my pitty quietly when they were distracted. Why do i even want him anyways he left me the kids our life he is treating me like shit he says he doesn't love me and i deserve better than this. all i ever wanted was a family of my own to settle down with and he calls me annoying and tells me i make him feel choked up. his family treats him so bad. they smile in his face and talk about him behind his back and im wrong for not wanting him near that? i deserve better than this, so why am i still waiting for him to decide that i come first. i sigh in my thoughts again, looking at the blade on my dresser and the scratches i left on my arms. something inside of me just wants to slice my arms and watch the blood come out as i am filled with so much anger, for a control freak to have no control it does something mentally to me. i dont want to cut myself because im insane and want to end it all. i just want to feel in control is that so wrong? Yes billy there is you have four kids and you cant show them that its okay to do that stuff when your sad. its so hard lately talking myself off this ledge in my head on weather to end it or not. what wrong with me? ive never been this girl. depression ? sadness? cutting myself? i found people who did it to be WEAK. is this my punishment god? so many years calling people with smoking habits drug habits and even deression weak minded is this my punsihment making me feel out of control and weak myself. and god there no one to talk to about it because im so ashamed and if i tell him ill feel more weak and he just throws it in my face as if its a fun little game to him. he was dying to be in control but this ? its to much has he always been this cruel have i just ignored it because i wanted us to work so bad? god help me please i beg you i just want it to end. i sigh going outside to get some air before i start to cook again. i just want to feel like im living again and not like a zombie counting the hours until bed time.

JAY P.O.V. -

‘Im’ at work but all i can think about is billy. god i fucked shit up so bad with her. I know its my fault for two years she has been beggining me for the same thing to make her and the kids a priorioty and she been right I have been slacking but instead of owning up to my bull shit and being the man she needs me to be I blamed her ignored her and when she threaten to leave me and told me she stopped caring i pushed her away. She kept pushing she kept arguing and I just couldnt admit she was right yet again as always. I made all these stupid ass excuses trying to blame her and make her feel guilty for wanting a better man out of me because im a coward, than finally because I couldnt take the arguing i push her away and i go out. i know it was wrong i know i fucked up I was so angry at her for knowing me so well I keep blaming her for my fuck ups because im to scared to admit it to myself. Its me that fucked up this marriage all she was doing was pleading to me to fix it but i couldn't because i didn’t want to admit she was right. i fucked up so bad i pushed and i pushed until she kicked me out the room something i never thought she would do. But me being the jerk that i am what do i do i fuck up even more and i tell her all these fucked up shit each one more fucked up than the other, because i was so mad at her for giving up on me. she begs me not to leave . i see her tears and it kills me. Now here i am in my mothers house away from my kids fucking up and pushing her away because im a coward. i want her so f**cking bad. so why cant i just apologize tell her i didnt mean nothing i said , i told her i wasnt in love with her than she kept giving me a chance to take it back and i didnt i told her i didnt know if i was in love with her. What the F**ck is wrong with me. she been giving me so many oportunities and i just cant get to it. i keep taking my anger out on her, the only thing that runs through my mind is her and another man. who could blame her if she decided to do that. me i could blame her because im a fucking coward and cant admit i was wrong. im letting this marriage fall apart for my own ego. sleeping on the couch instead of our bed and i know she loves me even with everything ive done and said to her she still tells me she in love with me tells me shell forgive me tell me she sorry. can you believe that god i break her heart i belittle her i act like i dont love her i tell her i dont know if i love her i treat her like a fuck buddy and here she is still open arms willing to take me in and blaming herself. god i know she deserves better and all i need is to do better. i know if i apologize and i tell her what i feel shell take me back because her love for me is that big and im just messing it all up and blaming her why? because im a fucking coward that why. Each passing day is just making it so hard to resist her, im so scared of my feelings for her that i cant even read her messages, yeah that right she stopped arguing with me and text me about the kids videos of the kids things happening in the house and ask me for money and what do i do i ignore it answer it when i want. i know im killing her. she fucking smoking cigarettes she tried to hide it from me and i accused her of wanting money for condoms. my imagination is driving me crazy. everyone in my family is fighting and im here wondering why i left her in the first place, she right she is always fucking right and i just cant admit it to her, she was right about my family right about our marriage she sees through me so easily. god i called her sucuidal like a dick and its only because she open up to me still and i take advanatage of it. i want her to hate me but that my ego talking because i know if she tells me she moved on ill feel dead inside. im such a coward ugh i hate it. i ignore my own kids i dont go to see them like i should because when i see them she there and i cant face her, i couldnt take it and i went to her yesterday still with a bull shit excuse trying not to help her and trying be a dick. i told her so much hurtful shit i made her feel bad and than i asked for sex, and what she does ? she says yes. she ask me if im with some one and yet again i take the chance to hurt her by telling her if i was with some one i wouldnt talk to her, its a damn lie i would cheat on anyone to be with billy. why couldnt i tell her that she gave me the opportunity god so many opportunity. god i came so fast yesterday i tried to hold it in to give her pleasure , but god the way it felt being inside her was like heaven she was so tight and so wet and touching her breast and her clit made me go crazy in my head. she was screaming in my ear and moaning knowing that shit drives me nuts. as much as i tell her i dont care its a lie i take each opportunity during sex with her to kiss her deeply, god her lips they were amazing i missed kissing her, and fuck she scratched my back so bad and my arms ugh it felt so good the marks on my body i wanted her to keep scratching but than the thought of her learning it from some one else made my stomach turn. the neighbors called me last week to inform me she was in the benches with some guy, i knew who it was but it still pissed me off. her laughing with the guy she use to work with but could i spazz no why? because its not place im not suppose to know instead i go to her house instantly in anger even when she was mad she just smiled at me devilishly knowing i was pissed knowing i was in the wrong and smiled becuase she could see right through me she knew that i knew she provoked me and i wanted to go back and fuck her as hard as i could for provoking me for talking to another guy for knowing that it pissed me off and liking that it did. fuck i miss billy i miss the good times. after i came last night i laid in her bed for a couple seconds and the urge to hug her and have her on my chest got so strong. she was there naked with a small smile on her face and what do i do instead i just get up and get dressed i talk about my family stupid fight but leave some parts out because i know she would just smile with her i told you so face. fucking billy always right about shit. she never liked my brother but she had all reason he disrepsected her and i know she right but i still make her feel wrong about it and defend him that what she meant about putting her last and now that we are in war i cant admit to her why because than i will defiantly be pissed if i see that smirk on her stupid beautiful freckled face. why does she always have to be right. ugh and she knew some how i seen it in her face she bit her tongue last night as i told her about the beef between my family. she just smiled to herself she wanted to say something so bad and held her tongue as much as i provoke her she still says nothing and its driving me nuts i want her to spazz argue tell me im wrong tell me everything i already know but she hasnt she just stays quiet holding it in. i was dressed and ready to go and god she was naked slowly looking for her clothes i waited for her to tell me to stay i stood there like a fool repeating my self over and over again telling her im going to leave but still not moving. she smiled so hard trying hide the laughter but i seen it in her face she knew what i was doing but still she didnt ask me to stay she just said ok tell the kids bye. ugh what an ass hole she is i just wanted to stay but here i am the coward at work ignoring her messages. she texted me all day yesterday asking me questions and i use every excuse to call her and hear her voice. she asked me if i still wore my ring and i told her only outside i tried to reassure her that i was only at home and at work but i fucked up and told her i take it off in the house i didnt even know why i said it she sounded so sad hanging up and saying okay. god why do i do this to her i know im breaking her heart and i know she trying find something to hold on to us and i just wont let her, to selfish to let her go and to stupid and scared to let her in and apologize. im just working none stop. she stopped texting me a while ago i guess she got tired of me ignoring her. i should of told her i keep the ring on all the time i shouldve told her i wanted to stay i shouldve stayed i should have facetimed them back but i didnt like the coward i am i just dig a bigger whole. how long will it be before she stops loving me as i treat her so bad each day making it worst. the day billy moves on is the day my heart will stop beating but i cant get enough courage to do something about it. she an angel and im a demon a fuck up she right about one thing for sure she does deserve better.

10PM AT NIGHT BILLY P.O.V…

There’s a knock at the door. I wonder who it is so late at night jay has his keys and he always calls or text first. “who?” i ask scared now like a punk. the neighbors never knock so late especially since jay left that the only person they looked for. me ? im to anti social to make new friends. “open billy” my heart stop and i try to compose my smile fuck even with all this heart break i still get excited hearing his voice fucking jay i hate that im madly in love with him. i compose my face and open the door looking at the floor becuase if i look at his face i know im going to start smiling. the kids hear him and scream “daddy!” they run twoards him and he hugs them. there diapers in his hands. but he told me earlier he couldnt make it. probably another lie from him to disappoint me. i sigh. “was you expecting some one else i can leave” he says. “no” i say not able to say anything else . i want to scream i want to cry i want to say i hate you , your a peace of shit. but i know i dont mean it so whats the point right? “you never called or texted” i say simply. he shruggs casually. he been losing weight i can tell, at 5'8 and almost 260 i still love how big he is proud that i made him gain all that wait happy wait , so i use to think. Now here he is losing weight but still acting like he doesnt care about me. “maybe he doesnt” says a small voice in my head and i try not to cry thinking about it. he goes straight to the kitchen opens the fridge and grabs a soda. can pepsi to be exact our favorite. i watch him drinking that pepsi imagining his big lips on me sucking me and licking. i lick my lips and look down. “what?” he asked “does this belong to the nigga you talking to? he dont want me touching it?”he says snarly. Aha he came here to argue of course because its clearly not because he misses me because he clearly said he not in love with me and i stupidly cant believe it with all the signs being there in my face. i roll my eyes and smile. fuck it he wants to argue lets argue. i know i’m smiling evilly as i cock an eye brow “and if i say it is” i smirk knowing it'll piss him off.

10PM JAY P.O.V..

Its ten at night I should of went home espically when i have to work early again and it might start raining soon, but diapers was a good excuse i made to just pop up. i told her i was stuck at work so she can get them herself but i wanted to do a surprise pop on her just to see how she doing.. okay fine thats a lie i’m jealous from my own fucking imagination and it was getting to me and i wanted to pop up to argue to fuck her to have an excuse for me to stay over and to see if there was some one here, and ruin any plans they had. god why am i like this? she opens the door, i see a small smile but she hides it and puts her head down. she thinking to herself quietly and than sighs. i glare at her she was expecting some one well fuck him who ever he is. i ask her if she was expecting some one else and i can leave but she just says no . and complains about me telling her i wasnt going get the diapers . i know i said that because i wanted to surprise her and that was my only sad excuse to come here. she just quiet looking at me , i try not to show that im also watching her. she looks like she lost some weight . shit im the reason she not eating her eyes are darker they naturally are under her eyes from her family side but now there even darker she must be getting sick or not sleeping. she also has a whole bunch of clothes on, she was always so quick to get cold my poor baby…but she not my baby is she. i grab a soda and she looks at me strangly i cant take it so i ask her if it belongs to her nigga just to argue with her. she smirks evily and i know she going piss me off and provoke me. that my squishy “and if it is ?” she says. what a fucker she can be. i glare at her “fuck it tell him to get his own this is my house after all” she smiles evilly again “and who said that this is your house after all you did leave” what a dick she is i slam the fridge “i pay the bills still and when ever you ask for money i give it to you so tell that nigga to pay it than” she smirks “what happen to im tripping i dont care sure sounds a hell like you do” she such a dick, she wants to hear me say i care but i wont give her the satasfaction. or will i? the kids are in the background trying get my attention because they missed me since ive been gone for so long. i smile at them “one at a time please all i hear is noise” now they start fighting and the toddlers start crying and hitting each other. she bends down and grabs one of them. i can see a view of her thong from how tight her pants are. “that what you was showing these people viewing the apartment today your fucking ass” i glower at her and she smiles innocently “if your not going look some one else will.” she says smuggly. what did i say? she a fucking dick. she must be tired of playing nice with me already. i smile evily, “i think cat has those same pants” cat is just some girl in my job but i know it pissed her off when i mention females especially Vivian, we got in a whole arguent because i called her vivi and now i use it to make her jealous she tries to hide it but i can see the anger in her face. so i continue “or maybe its vivi i dont know “ she swallows hard and glares at me quickly putting her head down she walks out the room with the kids chasing right behind her. fuck i think i over did it. she closed the door of her room as i hear her tells the kids to get out a minute. i wait a minute before i follow her trying not to make it obvious. her room is so silent , fuck did i make her cry again.

BILLY P.O.V…

what a jerk! how dare he say some dumb ass comment about those stupid sluts in his job. fine i provoked him back but still cant he see when he going to far. no. no he cant , why ? because he doesnt care about me anymore that why! i just want to scream and fight but im not that type of female so i just close the door of my room and lock it and cry silently trying calm myself down. i hear some one trying open “ ill be there in a minute “ thinking its my oldest daughter my voice betraying me and cracking but no its him. “open billy now” fuck him ! he makes me cry and than trys to order me around what the fuck is wrong with him. “give me a fucking minute jay” i say so full of anger. our doors are easy to unlock so as always he intrudes with no care and marches in, telling the kids to go and because they havent seen him they listen..just great now i have to deal with his attutide about me crying and being weak and emotional blah blah blah. “what is it jay” he sighs “you started billy not me” i just glare at him “no jay you started like you been doing for weeks now. if you dont care why dont you just leave me alone why torture me and hurt my feeling over and over again?” im so frustrated with him “your just a fucking asshole is what you are.” i mutter “im sorry.” he says simply “for what part?” he sighed “i shouldnt provoke you i dont know how i feel and i been tripping on you lately and its not my place” i shake my head “your just a coward” i whisper “you cant even own up to your own feelings well fine !” i say my anger bubbling again because i cant stand being lied to and bull shitted and i have such a short temper “i dont care either anymore you not in love with me well guess what i quit i hate you!” i try to storm out the room but he grabs my wrist firmly but not enough to hurt me “your not walking away billy” he says angrily. blocks the door and locks it. i cross my arms with an attutide. i look at my feet because i dont wanna look at him i see that he hard. hmm… hard and angry wonder how that sex would be. i scold myself. bad billy no we will not do that. “look at me damn it billy” i glare at him “fuck you. you coward your a fucking coward UGHHHH!!” i scream in anger so mad at him i wanna hate him so bad and i cant. he glowers at me “stop calling me that !” i smile remembering that he hates it “pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy!” i smirk seeing his anger “im going unlock the door now pussies cant tell me what to do.” i smile and walk to the door but he pushes me to the bed and walks to me. uhh ohh now hes mad i laugh in my head .

JAY P.O.V..

who the fuck does she think she is calling me a coward and a pussy she knows that just pisses me off. i push her in the bed . she felt to brave walking away from me. damn her because im angry and horny all at the same time and fuck it she wants to see tough ill show her tough. i glare walking to her im so mad right now i take my belt out. humor is in her eyes and she taking me as a joke making me even more pissed off. i finally got the belt off and i tie her arms tightly with it. she looks at me angry and horny all at the same time that stupid smile of trumph in her eyes. she provoked me and she knows it and she loves it. i untie her hair that tied up carressing her head and i pull her sweats off revealing that dark thong that she wore today for anyone to see. doesnt she know she mine still who does she think she is! i rip the thong in anger careful not to harm her though. i dont know if she showered yet or not but i dont care at this point i need to show her that this is mine only mine. i rip her shirt and bra not caring i take my shoes off and get undressed accept for my unerwear and i get on my knees while her feet dangle off the bed. it hurts since im over weight but ill deal with it to show her who boss and she is not incharge anymore! i hear her gasp when i push her legs open. she shaved? who the fuck does she think she is shaving for who? i glare at her “why is this shaved if we havent had sex in a while.” she rolled her eyes “we had sex yesterday jay” i smirk oh right i feel like we havent because im so horny for her. i touch her slit and she wet. i start to lick and she instantly moans. god with the kids and life its been a year since i went down on her and god i missed it. i open her legs wider and devour her licking flicking and fingering. it taste so good she wet and i can tell she been drinking more water becuase its a lighter taste than before when we was eating so unhealthy. im inserting to fingers now and she grabs my head and pushes it more into her riding my tongue and my fingers together she pinches her nipple with the other hand and cums in my mouth. that all i needed i keep licking as her cum is dripping on my chin. i wipe it off my beard, and take my underwear off getting on top and moving her more on the bed. wait when did she let go of the belt im sure i tightened it. but knowing how small her wrist are i shouldve done a better job. i dont even bother doing it again. i move on top of her spreading her legs wider and lifting them up higher to go in deeper. she gasps than moan. and i groan “fuck” i say it feels fucking amazing she soaked. i need to mark her skin everywhere. so who ever even thinks about talking to her knows she has some one fucking her good! i say it in my head to much of a coward to say it out loud. i suck on her breast first stopping my pumping to give her one on her breast. i go back up to her lips kissing her so she doesnt think nothing of it. only me knowing its intentional. her eyes are shut enjoying how deep im going. i hear her scream “fuck!” in my ear when i go as deep as i can inside her. i start to pump faster while also sucking her neck. im sucking hard on one side as i pump fast than i slow down to go to the other side of her neck. i suck the other one pumping faster and faster pounding her while she moaning and screaming in my ear. i keep sucking knowing im making huge marks on her and i dont care i want it. “im going to cum soon” i whisper in her ear and she moans “good cum in me” something triggered me when she said that. i lift her legs up to her stomach and i tell her “hold still and take it okay” she bites her lips and nods. i start to pound as she soaking wet and also gripping me with her walls “fuck!” i groan and it slips out just a bit i fix it inside grab her hips and i start to kiss her deeply. i can feel my orgasm building up into my balls and i know its going be a big one. im pounding her while she screaming “yes yes yes!” god i always love when she screams and doesnt hold back. she starts to scratch my body again my arms my back especially my back long scratches. i organism, but i can feel her nails on my body marking me. is she doing what i did to her this is the second time she does this . fuck we both are one in the same, marking me to make sure no female is fucking me and if they see it they know its some one i belong to. smart little squishy. i smirk but quickly hide it. getting dressed quickly. “i should get going” i say putting my sneakers on quickly. “you havent spent any time with the kids you know ?” she says is she trying have me stay longer . god i hope so any excuse just to be here longer with her. “its getting late “ i say hoping she stops me from leaving “i should go i gotta work tomorrow”

BILLY P.O.V. —

god the way he fucked me way amazing, i should piss him off more often huh. i laugh in my head, as i get up and get dressed. he already dressed trying to leave and i grab some courage and ask him to stay longer for the kids. but still he refuses and right when im about to give up thunder so loud i hear it from everywhere roars in the house and than i her both our toddler girls cry and scream. “shit “ he says opening the door once i put my shirt on. nikki the oldest explains “its pouring outside and there thunder so they are scared.” i sigh . “its going be a long night.” “fuck” jay mutters “are you staying daddy” nikki asks sweetly. i smirk , smart ass child. he frowns “i gotta get home i work tommorw” i sigh “one day wont kill you but i guess” he gets up ignoring what i said and looks at the window “mmm damn i guess ima have to stay.” he sighs “ the couch is fine” he says “but i havent eaten. i try to hide my smile “i cooked wings and rice”

the night went pretty fast since he did come at 10 by time he ate , the kids invited him to watch a movie on disney and play uno. it was almost 1am, and he helped put them to bed in they own room. “thanks for helping “ i said “no problem .. do you have a blanket for the sofa? “ he ask “ima have to sleep in my clothes since my shorts are in my moms house “ i smile innocently “all your underwear and cloths are here in my room im the only one that sleeps in the bed you can sleep there after you shower” he raised an eye brow but didnt disagree. “can you get me underwear and soap. “ he ask i smile tryig hold my excitment in. i bend over getting everything and a towel for him. i leave it in the bathroom and he showers for thirty minutes while im getting drinks for me. he passes by me accidently rubbing himself on me and i bite my lip trying not to moan. god i missed the smell of him fresh out the shower. “tv on for you” i say going to the bathroom to shower my pajamas on the table as i grab them and go. im showering everything still so horny for him cuming once wasnt enough ughhhhh. i sigh drying myself and getting dressed. i get in the room to put my stuff away and he laying in our bed in underwear just watching tv. god he looks so good i just want to suck on him. i go on the opposite side of the bed and lay twoards his feet not wanting to come off as needy. putting my soda on the dresser i grab my phone and watch videos. i feel his hand on my leg and i try not to moan as im still so horny. “you dont gotta sleep there this is your bed “ he says i try not to smile as i move near his head turning my back to him he acts like he on his phone and moves closer to me. i can feel his penis hard on my ass and i bite my lip rubbing my ass on him. he whispers in my ear “i know why you marked me up” i grinn hiding my face “same reason you left hickeys on me” i reply and he says nothing but grabs my waist and rubs on me. i moan not able to hide it. “i wanna eat you again” he whispers. i moan “me first” i whisper back. he doesnt argue. he lays back pushing his underwear off closing the door and locking it next since the room is small..he reaches it while laying down. he kicks the blankets off and i undress again and Neal between his legs. hes standing hard at attention. i instantly lick the tip pulling the skin back i lick the tip watching him groan his eyes watching me so i give him a show. he loves seeing me spit on it so i spit and suck my spit and he watches hungrily. i jerk him while i’m sucking trying take as much in before gagging. im gagging on his dick but still sucking up and down, he groaning “im going cum in your mouth if you keep this up billy”i moan and he flips me so we are doing 69. i moan when i feel his tongue on my folds licking away again “you taste so good” he says and i moan and suck faster. after ten minutes he or i cant take it “im going cum billy” he repeats dragging me closer he licks from my ass to my vagina and im moaning as he takes turns fingering both. “fuck let me ride you “ i say “i wanna cum on your dick not your mouth” he groans but releases me. im riding him almost there pinching my own nipples in pain “fuck billy im almost there hurry “ i groan riding faster pinching harder he pushes himself deeper inside me and i orgasm on him, he couldnt hold it and came to filling me with another orgasm. i drop to the other side crying a little “i love you” i whisper sad that i wont get one back…

JAY P.O.V.-

She has said , i love you before and ive ignored it to scared to say it back. But here my chance . she said it to me but didnt turn around to look at me probably assuming i wont say it back or that i didnt hear her. But i did, and it broke my heart not to see her face. i grab her by her waist pulling her closer to me, we are still naked. i move her hair out the way and i whisper in her ear “i am still in love with you billy.” i kiss her neck and lay my head back on th pillow. i dont deserve the love she has for me and i know im going to ruin it again and it hurts me. i dont hear anything from her and she doesnt turn around. so i turn her around and i see her , crying…fuck im such a fuck up. she probably crying because she doesnt believe me and i cant blame her i havent been showing it to her for a while now. i wipe her tears trying control my raging anger and guilt to not take it out on her because its not her fault its my own guilt eating me alive. “im sorry..” she whispered crying harder now. “im sorry billy, i didnt mean to make you cry and hurt again. im sorry that i made you hate me please stop crying.” she sighed still tears falling on her face “why am i not enough” she choked out running to the bathroom to cry i assume. Fuck i made her feel less than what she is, fuck i hate myself.. i was so mad at myself and i took it out on her so badly , at first i mocked her tears called her sucuidal just to get her mad ..i said i was stressed about her mental health as pay back to her comments for me before when we argued she always loved to bring up my Schizophrenia and call me crazy i was just trying return the favor.. but what if it got to her so much because she was fighting sucide..fuck i mocked her because i didnt believe she was actually sucidal and thought less of her. no not my queen billy the biggest most confident egotistical stubborn ass hole alive never her. but hearing her words i broke her i fucking broke her .. what did i do.. i go to her “open billy” she wouldnt open so i barged in… and fuck i feel like shit. There blood every where… why? i remember a text from her in my panic …she asked me to take my box cutter because of the kids but what if it wasnt the kids and her.. im so scared so frantic i feel like throwing up from the smell .. there so much blood. billy what did you do. i pull the shower curtain back and there she was… naked in the water dripping blood from her wrist.. so much blood so much cuts.. what did she do.. i go on my knees “billy baby please please wake up” i run to our room looking for my phone until i finally found it. i call 911 and say the address “please hurry she bleeding out” there tears in my eyes and i want to shoot myself in the head.. what did i do to her, my billy would never let herself take it so far . so worried about being weak so worried of what people would say about her..she called me weak for smoking many times in arguments said it was digusting any easy way out . now look who taking the easy way out, fuck me . this is all my fault! i break down crying all i want to do is drink my self into a stupper , how could i do this to her? i hear the ambulance coming i get up trying to get dressed before they come in .. i call my sister miabella “miabella “ i cry but she never answers her phone . so i text her quickly

miabella calls me back instantly “bro what the fuck happened !” she screams “what did you do..” i just start crying as the ambulance come “she in the shower” .. the first one comes in. I just keep repeating “i fucked up sis. i fucked up i love her i dont wanna lose her.” i was in a trance. thank god the kids were sound asleep to tired from being up so late. “what happen” the Emergency Medical Technician asks (EMT). “we been seperated i didnt know how sad she been ..w-we had sex and than she ran in the bathroom crying .. I-I didnt know she was this depressed I’m s-sorry” I stutter. “how long since she cut herself ?” the other EMT ask . i answer so sad and crying like a wimp that I am..“t-ten minutes “ miabella is still on the line she usually would hang up and say some one calling or hold on .. but she never left my side. my precious niece penny was texting me but i couldn't answer her to sad to hurt to angry at myself to text. miabella breaks the silence as they take her away , “are you going go with her ?” i jsut keep crying “i cant there no one to watch the kids right now..” she just sighs “what happen knuckles what did you do ?” i cry harder “im such a fucking bastard a fuck up . we were arguing for years because i refused to change and i was so angry at her for wanting me to change i left… but i couldnt just leave peacefully no i had to make her feel bad call her weak accuse- her of fucking people i treated her like my sex buddy i told her I wasn't in love with her bella i taunted her about being suicidal and practicality told her the only reason i stayed was because i was worried about her mental health , i made her feel like i didn’t care about her the kids the bills . i was just so fucking angry that she always right i wanted to get back at her but i didnt mean anything i’ve said or done ..she t-tried to kill herself because of me because i’m so fucking evil .. i left her when she had no body and than taunted her and used her feelings against her what wrong with me..why couldn’t i just say sorry and be who she wanted me to be why did i have to hurt her … if she dies its because of me because i’m horrible…” i just kept crying remember everything i said to her did to her. she was trying save our marriage and i pushed her away ignored her . fuck i’m a terrible person.. she doesn’t deserve this shit. “what. The. Fuck. knuckles how could you do that to her especially knowing what im going through fuck that how many times has your brother picked you up from your mental issues how could you taunt some one else like that knowing how it feels..that woman that you say you love you had kids with i understand needing space to reflect but to treat her like these hoes on the street like she nothing what the fuck is wrong with you..i seen how you grew with her she kept you on a straight path and this is her thank you…how can you be just a cruel as your brother was to me knowing everything he put me through everything other girls have put you through and make the one female who loves you and is there go through that same pain.. knuckles why didnt you come to me bro so i could knock some sense into you” miabella sounded furious at me.. i deserved it..”because im a coward i knew i was wrong and kept at it.. “ i just start crying again “knuckles” she says firmly “stop crying pull yourself together .. im coming over. with penny” she hung up before i could protest or make an excuse not to come.. im fucked she going beat my ass..

ONE HOUR LATER … JAY P.O.V.-

its been one hour since she went to the hospital .. and miabella here ranting and screaming at me hitting me in my chest as hard as she can. her hits are worst than any fight i been in.. but who could blame her i fucked up. penny is looking at her mom with wide eyes shaking her head . she hasnt seen anger like that from her mother from me in years. she smiled sadly at me and when miabella was all screamed out she gave me a hug and i just cried to weak and upset to show a tough act infront of her “i fucked up..” i whispered crying. penny just sighed “im sorry unc but you really did this time.. you fucked up big time. if she really the love of your life you fucked up. i was always so mad at you for not being here looking for us i always assumed it was her fault but now hearing how you did her man unc how could you do that .. she sounds like she loves you alot to hold all of that in and still want to be with you .. i dont know if she weak or just really in love “ i try not to glare at my precious neice as she called billy weak “she is not weak . billy one of the strongest i know . im the fuck up. she wouldnt cry infront of no one show weakness always smiling god her attitude was horrible but weak never “ miabella sighs “billy isnt weak she just fell in love with one of the biggest ass holes alive .. turning out just like your brothers jay something i never wanted for you and you know that. i love your brother dont get me wrong father of my kids but god you know how horrible we were together. i thought you would be better . billy not weak you just took advantage of her loyalty . im sorry bro but you did mess up bad this time. she helped you grow up and this is what you do to her.. marriage is a struggle i told you that but its on you to fix it..what if she dies what than ? “ ugh miabella is not helping i know this already. i just start crying cant even think about her dying being gone for good the kids? me? im not even half the parent she is. with out her the kids will be where ?

Miabella and Penny leave as quickly as they came only coming to scream at me and smack me. “ill check up on you okay uncle” penny says i smile but its all so fake … it will be morning soon … i havent slept not even an hour and the kids will be up crying asking where there mom.. and i have to tell them something.. i gotta go to the hospital to see her but where to drop the kids off too.. there to young and we have no family we trust i have no choice but to call my mother ….

The phone rings and rings “jay you ok?” my mom ask in her fake worried voice i sigh my voice is soar “i- i need a favor ..billy in the hospital i have to go see her…can you watch the kids ?” she sighs but agrees . she never did like billy blames her for taking me away . but i wont dare give her the satasfaction of knowing what happens because if she smiles like she did to my mother death i might actually put hands on my mother this time. probably kill her in anger who knows. she never cared about anyone but herself . when i was destroyed over my mother death not my actual mother but when that bitch of a mom kicked me out she took me in as one of her own. i cry again thinking about my mother.. she would be so disappointed in me right now knowing how i treated billy. who could blame her or anyone its my fault. the morning passed and went so fast i anxiously waited crying every chance i got until all of the kids awoken. “where mom” asked nikki the oldest at only seven she thought she was a grown woman .. she looked just like billy but darker with some of her biological fathers features looking like an Indian billy. “your mom is sick and needed to go to the hospital shell be back soon but im here taking care of everything” i tell her firmly so she doesnt argue . but knowing nikki she has to have the last word .. just like me just like her mother. i hear eve the middle child the happy child ..my little twin. “where mom!!!” she screams loudly only three year old but always so loud. “baby girl she in the doctors she be home soon” i answer “home soon?” says Lilian my one year old. she might be autustic we havent checked her yet. and than there junior my twin for sure at only seven months he so smart and so independent sleeping in his own crib and everything. i start my day cleaning them up , washing them and changing them before i feed them…my mom finally comes at 12.. the earliest she been up. “is billy ok jay?” i sigh covering my face as i can tell i look like i been crying “oh my god baby have you been crying “ i clear my throat trying not to look weak , shed always hold it against me i dont need that. “im good i just need to check on her..” before i can stop myself the truth spills out like word vomit “she cut her wrsit because of me because i treated her so bad” my mom looks at me in shock “what did you do to her jay?” i sigh “i fucked up like always” a tear falls and i wipe it before the kids can see or notice “what can i do to help you this has to be killing you.” i know she faking it “just dont tell them nothing i dont need nikki worried about her mother or knowing this mess.. ima call you the house has everything food toys. ima check on her and nikki” i call she runs to me “yes daddy?” she comes running “your going listen and respect ..do you know your mothers password” “yea..” she says quietly knowing she not suppose to. i unlock the phone and give it to her “0807 okay ?” she nods “anything happens you call or text me” my mom glowers knowing i dont trust her with nikki. she the reason nikki hair took so long to grow because she jealous of a child she minplated my triplets years ago to make nikki feel bad and cut her hair and she did it took so long for nikki hair to grow and i know billy never forgave her , and me? like always i defended another bad action of her making billy feel less of a priority one example of what she argued with me for years to defend her and stick up for them and i never did because im selfish..

BILLY P.O.V.-

I’m in the hospital finally awake after so long. there a bag of blood being poured back into my viens like in the movies and other cables and liquids. i have a huge headache probably from all the blood lost.. why did i do that.. i dont know anymore i was just so sad yesterday .. jay told me he loved me still but i couldnt believe him after all the horrible stuff he done to me and said to me i keep blaming myself , i became the weak girl i never wanted to be. i sigh as the doctor comes in “ Mrs Davis “ i smile weakly “How are you feeling ?” he ask “much better i dont know why i let it get this far im sorry” i whisper putting my head down ashamed he smiled sweetly to me. “can i call you billy?” he ask. The doctor looked so young to be a doctor.. he was also real cute. shame on you billy you just cut yourself for your selfish husband you have no right to say that. “look billy you dont ever apologize for being upset. i dont know you but just by looking at you and seeing how you apologize for being sad i can see you go through alot and i just want to say im sorry that you are we are here to help you not judge you.. i feel its best to stay here a couple days for you and your twins” i open my eyes wide “what?” he looks confused “did you not know you are 9 weeks pregant with twins?” i start to tear up “really i am twins?!” i hug my stomach. “well we think there more than two we have to do a better ultrasound now that you are up and alert, we also want you to stay and speak to a therapist to see how your mind is. we have options if you dont want the kids.” i start crying “god how could i do this to my babies … im so sorry for being so weak im so sorry” i start crying . the doctor sighs “billy please stop that i think you should speak to the therapist. i dont want to report this as a refusual to get better, so please see the therapist i think you just need someone to talk to to hear you out.” i smile “you can be my therapist you already listening to my problems.” i was only joking making light of the sad feeling i felt. “no im sorry Mrs Davis i can not but i have a good friend she will help you and understand you , no judgement i promise.” he smiles at me “i will prescribe you prenatal and make your first doctors appoitment for when we discharge you and speak with doctor Rodriguez about anything she feels you need after she has spoken to you okay?” he ask politeltly i smile “okay” he smiled back , woah he had a bueatiful smile. “any questions or concerns please call for me or your nurse and we will be here for you okay ? get some rest.” i smirk . not trying flirt but i just couldnt think about everything right now so i did it just for fun “ you said call i need a number for that doctor” i say innocently batting my short little eye lashes. he smiles “Mrs Davis you know what i meant. “ i just laughed and he smiled big, this doctor was deffiently into me. im madly in love with jay but it didnt hurt trying pick myself up with a little flirting especially how crappy ive felt for years, gaining weight body changes from constant pregnancy feeling alone in a marriage stress from doing everything. jay wasnt always like this before he was caring and helped me loved nikki so much he would drop anything for her or me.. i dont know where we went wrong. god i may be having more than two kids. that always been my dream. i hear a knock on the door as its already been twenty minutes since the doctor left. i look up . its jay and another doctor . therapist maybe? “hey” he says . i look up at him . god his white skin is pasty white and pale his eyes completely red . has he been crying , shit i must have scared him because of the kids.. did he mean what he said yesterday or was it just because of the sex. “good morning Mr. davis? and Mrs davis im assuming “ the doctor says “my name is doctor Cindy Foster i will be doing your ultrasound” i smile big , fuck i havent told him well duhh im here no phone nothing . he going be so mad at me now . “ultrasound?” he ask the doctor smiles “oh im sorry Mrs davis hasnt told you yet. she is 9 weeks pregnant doctors gave her a ultrasound while she was unconsious as blood results came out postive with high results it was hard to see but they found two heart beats we are here to see if there any more as doctors were concerned they may be more.” he just looked at me “two heart beats there may be more than 2 already?” i smile sadly “lets begin Mrs davis” me and him are looking together at the screen as he holds my hand and she begins. i feel so exahusted but so excited and scared all at the same time. She smiles big at me “There four heart beats Mrs davis” my heart drops “no way” he whispers. i smile so big and touch my stomach “you serious?” she smiled big “yes i will have your doctor speak to you further on the next steps congratulation to you both.” OH MY GOD! i am so excited but so depressed because he never wanted any more and i did one of our biggest conflict now we are here not together, he probably feels more trapped. he just starts crying and i feel so bad “Jay im sorry “ i whisper “ I know this is your worst nightmare and you feel stuck and you didnt want anymore im sorry i didnt know i know you resent me and the kids” i cry as well so hurt and feeling so unwanted again. “billy please stop, i dont feel trapped or resentment im angry at myself for doing this to you not the baby the pain. you could of lost them and its all my fault im so sorry.” but he no longer talking to me but my stomach. “i thought you resented me because i wanted more kids and you didnt” jay just sighed still wiping away tears from his face. “i love you billy i fucked up . i took my anger out on you i taunted you i made you feel so bad that you harmed yourself im so sorry. i just didnt want to admit you was right and that i was the reason our marriage was ending. i didnt wanna fix anything because i was so mad at you for my own faults like always i was a coward and took it out on you..but this time i took it far im so fucking sorry im fucking pathetic.” i just look at my wrist tears falling silently “this is all my fault billy we could of lost them because of how fucked up i am.” he lifts his arms up and i can see marks on him that i didn't make . “what is that?” he looks at the bruises. hanging his head low “i told miabella everything i did and she beat me and screamed at me.” i try not to smile , miabella always defended me she the sweetest. “i love you billy please forgive me i will work on it i swear i wont leave again im going to do better be better im going to be the man you deserve please dont give up on us. “ he crying now begging me to stay. that all i ever wanted from him how can i not forgive him? i love this man with all of me. “i will always forgive you jay, you are my heart but you owe your kids an apology to you was selfish and uncaring to them also.. i will forgive you slowly but surely “ he hugs me not to tight “please dont ever do this not even for me” he says while he looks at my wrist “i wanted to kill myself just thinking about how i hurt you and made you do. im so sorry baby i fucked up i wont ever again.” i sigh “i will forgive you soon but i dont know when ill trust you again im sorry.” i say i have to be honest . jay never cheated but he also never put me first or understood me defended me i always felt last to him replaceable and that got to change “i swear to you billy im going to gain your trust im going to be better” i smile “they wont discharge me any time soon because of what i did , i need therapy and the therapist will say whats next.” i explain to him. “can i move back home” he says and my heart soared , ive been dying to hear that from him “yes “ i whisper “god yes” he hugs me still crying ontop of me than gets up and rubs my stomach. “four babies billy, you always said you was going keep having kids until you get twins or triplets now there four” i smile so big. “are you actually happy about it jay?” he smiled “i thought id be upset but im actually not im excited and nervous. but also overwhelmed thinking about fincially taking care of them.” i smile big “what if its two girls two boys ?” he laughs “no all four are boys wait til i tell miabella she going have a heart attack.” i stop “who with my kids “ he looks down “im sorry billy i had to call my mom so i can see you.” i look horrified “so she knows about me fuck she going tell the world how weak i am” he gets extremely upset “you are not weak, fuck who ever says that.” he rubs my stomach again calming down, when the hot doctor comes in “billy congratulations four babies” i smile big but put my head down seeing how jealous jay looks.

JAY P.O.V. —

“who the hell are you?” i ask pissed off at how friendly this doctor trying be. he looked stuck for a moment and than put that oh so polite and fake smile of his “good afternoon i’m Doctor Dixon, doctor Jake Dixon and i’m Billy’s doctor . i came to check on her and congratulate you guys “ i looked him up and down “ you real comfortable with my wife name aren’t you doctors suppose to go by last names you just go ahead and skip that part huh?” i could see Billy turning red and shaking her head at me laughing “I’m sorry doctor my husbands very jealous “ she glares at me. what the hell did i do? she mine and he has to know that. the stupid doctor just laughed nervously giving Billy to much of a smile if you ask me. he looking at her to damn much. She just watched me the whole time he checked her smiling with humor in her eyes. as jealous as i was seeing her smiling and laughing even if its at me looked bueatiful, god four babies.. those pregnancy are so high risk i really have to step my game up with this pregnancy not only because i fucked up with junior and never helped her and that birth was complicated because she fell in her pregnancy but also because she already cut herself because of me that just one more thing in my guilty consious of reasons im not good enough for her, but ima be a man she deserves i swear on my mother i will, i will make her and my mother proud.. i gotta make sure she at her healthies for these babies her pregnancy is already high risk enough because of her blood type but now because its four its even more high risk. god thats 11 kids my triplets plus our four kids already , junior only 8 months .. now four more. i love her so much but she needs to stop getting pregnant she stressing me out, its also me i know she has no birth control and even separated i still cant get enough of her. “okay Billy well everything seems to be perfect once doctor Rodriguez speaks to you and accepts a discharge ill let you know.” she sighs “Who is Miss Rodriguez?” Billy sighed again “my now therapist “ Billy said and i smirked “now who the crazy person baby girl” she just rolled her eyes “still you jay” i laugh , that my little ass hole.

ONE WEEK LATER.. JAY P.O.V. —

fucking a week of not being with Billy , if it wasnt for penny and miabella and my mom, i dont know how i was going make it to work. i dont know how billy does it she a saint four kids all day all night and dealing with the depression i put her through. I vistited her and our babies everyday.. doctors said she is a lot better and just needed a week to destress and talk her feelings out .. she was holding alot of things in past trauma present truama that i caused her and i need to let her express herself and listen to her not belittle her. im going work everyday to make sure she heard and communicate better i didnt even know or notice how much she held in and how much shit she also went through or how it affected her, Billy was always the strong one but quiet and i took her for granted and her strength for granted way to much, i wasnt the only one that had truama and i had to realize that.. even with all her issues she always tried to help me with mine even just by taking does toxic people out my life and i punished her for it. shitty husband award goes to me. But finally the day comes that i can take her home… thank god doctors didnt report it to ACS, than she’d have more stress she didnt need or deserve. they marked it as a much needed break and not what it was … suicide attempt. she prescribed pills for her anxiety but she was diagnosed with depression they said she just had a bad time and just needed time and space to get better , but she was diagnosed with anxiety really bad anxiety. Billy always told me she felt like she had episodes of anxiety and i never listened or took it serious , i really should of another regret in my list. Billy always was my go to , to calm me down but i was never hers she never had anyone to hear her out and i regret that i need to be her go to also , my saint i wish i treated you better like you did me. penny and miabella was already on there way to help me with the girls getting them dressed and to drive me to pick up Billy. i felt like i did when we were getting married so damn nervous.. to see her. the kids were running wild until they heard there titi bella and cousin penny. everyone smiled but stood quiet “okay who getting there hair done first..” miabella asked and of course nikki goes first because she loves to be first. But unlike with me and Billy she new not to play that moving around shit, titi bella dont play. i knew better too as she gave me a lecture “four more babies knuckles she not only going be high risk because of her pregnancy but with all those hormones and anxiety she going be crazy and you better treat her like the fucking queen she is dealing with your none sense. you lucky i didnt kill you when you told me she was pregnant after slicing her wrist because of you and your bull shit. if you wasnt my brother i would of beat you sensless i swear to god..” she shock her head and penny just looked at me sadly .. it was taking them a while to forgive me for what i did to her . i knew they was right and it hurt that penny my niece who forgave everything i did still didnt .. i really fucked up big. Billy always felt jealous of them but who could blame her honestly i treated them so good when i was face to face with them i spoke so good about how i treated her and with billy i put her in the back burner like i did with everyone putting them first and her last.. and never realizing it or wanting to admit she was right. her feelings were justified i really did put her last. it took me almost losing her to realize it and its fucked up but i gotta make up for it now that she giving me the chance her god and my mother giving me another opportunity to love her the right way.. i wont let ya down. i sigh in my thoughts as miabella multitasked doing hair with penny and lecturing me . “you hearing me knuckles.. Billy is pregnant and your going to treat her better and do what ever she needs you to , your a father and a husband not a child so no one cares if your tired look at me i dont sleep does that excuse me from being a mother no . dont take this shot for granted those four babies better come out healthy as can be Billy too” “FOUR BABIES!!!” shouted nikki. I glared at miabella “they werent suppose to know yet until me and billy sat and spoke to them on being careful with her stomach” miabella looked sheepish “sorry guys “ i sigh “okay girls lets hurry to pick mommy up we’ll talk more about the babies later “ but nikki always nikki “oh my god four babies in mommy tummy i hope there all girls” ughhhhhhh more girls like there not enough. miabella and penny laugh seeing my face.

BILLY P.O.V. —

finally my discharge day. im tired of being in the hospital food is terrible no one to talk to nothing to watch just been reading books online to pass the time cant sleep because people come to check on me every minute god i miss my kids and everyone. how am i suppose to work on my anxiety if i cant see my kids and know there perfect. im the only one that can take care of them the best.. i laugh at myself , what a mom thing to say right? but its true i know what they like dislike what they mean when they talk baby even what nikki trys to say when she stutters or says it the wrong way . ugh stupid hospitals “are you excited to be leave” doctor Hottie ask smiling .. i was so in my thoughts i didnt even notice him standing there watching me.. sheesh no wonder Jay jealous of him , he actually does have a thing i can tell by the way he looking at me that not normal polite doctor stuff he is flirting , well look at me with four kids and another four in my belly with a mommy body and i still got it huh sucidal episode and all. i laugh at my foolishness. i smile at doctor hottie “hello doctor hottie” he turns a shade of pink with his blonde short hair shaggy and messy like that he looks even younger. “if your husband was to hear you” i smirk “he’d kill you and give me the silent treatment “ doctor hottie just laughs “how are you doing Mrs Davis? excited to finally leave” i smile big “god yes doctor hottie mc dixon “ i tease and the same blush comes again “you are my favorite patient” he says low enough where he thinks i cant hear him but i did and i laughed. making him turn red again. “well thank you with my social anxiety that the first time i ever heard some one say that” im always to honest aint i. he smiles big and shakes his head.. “i got your phone number on record and although its not ethical to put it on my personal cell phone i did “ he whispers giving me a hug. oh my god talk about messy. i just laugh “dont get yourself fired trying to be all cool for your favorite patient “ i tease. he jsut smiles and grabs my phone “i put my number there under dixion “if you ever feel down or needing to talk and there no one to support you im here, or if you just want a friend to ask doctor questions to im here also” he says smiling. i laugh “its like you want my husband to murder you he just as jealous as i am maybe even worse. “ he laughs nervously but still had balls to take my number and save his on my phone. i rub my tummy “mom still got it “ he laughs again before leaving “bye Mrs davis” i smirk “bye Mr. dixion”. a nurse comes smiling big “your docotor wanted me to give you these discharge papers said it was important to get it right away for his favorite patient” i smile shaking my head “it was sure nice having people socialize with being a stay at home mom with social anxiety sure limits me to friendships.” the nurse laughed “some times its good to get some air Mrs davis sometimes that all we need to feel better.” i sigh “you right i need to work harder on that” just than Jay comes in “work harder on what ?” the nurse smiles and leave saying good bye. “work harder on taking a breath and getting fresh air.” he smiles but i know he still feels so guilty. it is part his fault for alot of stuff but my anxity and my sucide episode was all me i dont want him to keep blaming himself i just would like some support from him, i wish it didnt take all of this for him to realize but time will tell if he really understands, now i gotta be strong and healthy for our babies..finally time to go though woohoo !!! he grabs all the bags not letting me grab one and i smile .. i miss this side of him its been years since ive seen it. “hows the nausea ?” i smile “none yet surprisingly “ he smiles big “all boys Billy all boys” i laugh “dont you hope” he sighs looking sad “what happen?” he looks so guilty about something “dont be mad…” ughhh what now “about?!” he smiles sadly “miabella spilled the beans this morning to the kids accidentally she was lecturing me again and spilled it by accident” i laugh “when doesnt something happen that messes up our plan lets face it its just life, our life.” he smiles big come on lets meet them down stairs there waiting for us” im so nervous i dont like people around when im at my weakest ..and my kids will see my bandages how will i explain to them? jay sees me in deep thought quietly eyes watery “hey baby its okay squish no one here is judging you baby dont be scared “ i try not to cry but tears fall down “squishy please dont cry “ i sigh trying hold the tears in “i dont know what to say to the kids about the scars what do i tell them” he smiles sadly “i spoke to them that you had an accident cutting meat and that why they sholdnt play with knives” i laugh “kids of course they bought that lame excuse” he laughs too. the elvator dings already to the floor to leave and my babies run up to me quickly “mommy!!!!!” they all say at once , my precious lilian and junior already crying together. “relax guys she pregnangt you cant jump on her and she also is hurt so be careful” i get so nervous now looking at miabella and penny , my social anxiety and embarrassment doubling. but as always before it gets worst miabella breaks the ice scolding jay and making me laugh “Billy precious your out i been screaming at your husband all week about his stupid actions , i told you before if he ever acts out just let me know ill put him in his place.” i just laugh and smile saying hi to penny. she looks at me sadly “oh yeah penny is extreamly upset with Jay.” i smile sadly too “ya dont have to be its not just his fault .” miabella scolds me now “none sense knuckles messed up and that it i know how overwhelming life is and its not right that you was doing it alone, but your strong like me and i always seen that in you even as strong as we are we all fall in life dont worry hun no one is judging you baby.” i smile relieved . i know jay said no one was but with my anxiety and issue i always think im being talked about badly..we hurry to the car and again getting home jay and miabella do everything “four babies billy again girl you strong you love kids” i smile rubbing my stomach as miabella talked. “i really do love kids i was going crazy in the hospital thinking about my babies “ she laughed “motherhood we cant live with them cant live with out them , i was coming over helping him and penny to .. and his mother “ i smile but glare at jay “you told her about my pregnancy too…” he looks guiltily to the floor. “sorry baby “ ughhhhhhh i groan “you have no lid to your mouth” i mutter and they all laugh him still looking guilty rubbing my belly trying to get on my good side.

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